“There she is! There she is!” Mrs Russell, belying her age, bounded up and down at the window, practically dislodging her heavy damask lined drapes which matched her green and plum fabric futon and her deep burgundy Wilton carpet.

“George! George!” she  tortured her long suffering spouse with the shrillness of her cries, determined to gain his attention with her discovery. George wisely stayed where he was, shaking his head with disgust and turning his attention to more important items of news in his daily paper. He loved his lady wife but she was cursed with an insatiable curiosity,. It’s nosiness really, which had caused untold ill will amongst the neighbours, who tended to shun the Russell residence.

“Elsie, come away from the window. It’s none of our business.You’ll upset the postman again. The poor man hasn’t yet recovered since you ran at him with a rolling pin. Poor Joe took off like a hare..

“I should have won that competition, George Russell, my slogan was the best. I was not accosting the postman. I just thought he’d forgotten to leave my prize letter. The language he used was not English, I can tell you that.” Folded arms hoisted up a hefty bosom and she scowled at her husband.

“Sit down and I’ll make you a nice  cup of tea , Luv,” George coaxed.

“Tea! Tea!” Elsie spluttered. “That ne’er do well over there is having an affair and his poor wife pregnant with her third. Shame on him! She’s out working all day. What does he do? Has organisms with another woman!”

It’s orgasm, Elsie and how do you know about them?”

“Well may you ask,  George Russell.”

“Elsie! Tea!”

“I read it in a magazine, if you must know. Most people have one at some time or other. A lot don’t. Did we, George? Do you think we could have one tonight?”.

“Elsie, I’m seventy six, you’re seventy two. I have false teeth, hip and knees. You have arthritis in both shoulders and a hearing aid. You wouldn’t even know if I breathed heavy. Now get away from the window.”.

Elsie shrugged her shoulders, upsetting her arthritis. Now she’d never discover what all the fuss was about.

“Well, she certainly dresses nice but she has a funny walk and she keeps holding on to her hair,” she continued to scrutinise her neighbour. “I’m just going to phone Iris.”

George sighed, settled himself on the sofa and snoozed. If he knew his wife and he certainly did after fifty years of marriage, the whole of the W.I would know about the goings on at number 86 Willow Parade before too long. And he was right. After almost ninety minutes of whispered words, tut-tuttings and sharp intakes of breath, Elsie hung up the phone, smug and satiated with slander. Seeing her husband snug and secure on the settee, she smiled with genuine affection and decided to take a little trip to the supermarket and surprise him with his favourite sultana squares.

But Elsie was in for a bigger surprise as she stepped into the store. The lady of ill repute that she had just spied on was shopping arm-in-arm with The Woman. Heavens! What kind of street was she living on?

As she hastily turned to leave she heard.

“Elsie, have you got a minute. I’d like to introduce you to someone you might know..”

Susie McEvoy, the cuckolded wife was beckoning her over to meet the Strumpet. Oh My! The poor Dear! Didn’t know what was going on!

There was no escape for our Peeping Tom.

“Hello Susie and how are you. You are looking radiant, ,so you are. Babies bring out the best in us, isn’t that right, Miss eh? Mrs eh?….”

As she addressed this last remark to Susie’s companion, a flicker of recognition flitted across Elsie’s face. Could this be the scum’s sister? An affair with his sister! Sodom and Gomorroh!  She was so familiar looking, so not feminine look…..

No! No! Not possible!

“Elsie, I’d like you to meet my husband, Harry. He’s a cross dresser and to save you the trouble of searching a dictionary, it means he loves wearing women’s clothes. Is that a problem? I thought it better to impart this news as I’m sure your poor arthritic shoulders can’t take any more of hoisting you up to see through your diamond bevelled, triple glazed window.”

And with that she reached up and kissed her lip sticked hubby, hugged him lovingly and left with head held high.