Phyllis McKenna

I saw the post on Facebook one day.
“Would you like to be on quiz show with Mrs Brown {alias Brendan O’Carroll?”
Now I love the programme Mrs Browns Boys so I was well up for it. I’m up for anything. Me! That’s why I’m here. I’m joking! I’m joking! I applied straight away and to my amazement received an email to say I would be interviewed on Skype. I had to produce an unusual item and chose a vampire framed face from Transylvania, Dracula’s castle. Now not just framed. It was actually 3D, just as if someone had made a plaster cast of their face, pointy teeth and all, covered with blood coloured wire mesh. Well, I hope it was fake blood! Cost me all of five dollars while I was visiting the afore mentioned place of residence. A very unusual item and the producer seemed to agree. I was hired! I loved it. Pride of place in my home.
Thrilled to bits to be going to meet Brendan O’ Carroll.
Two return flights to Scotland would be sent to me, that’s where the show was being recorded and hotel room booked for both of us. I could bring a friend. Exciting or what!
I invited my friend Esther to accompany me and we couldn’t wait. Meeting all the cast of Mrs Brown’s Boys would be an absolute thrill. The flight over was grand and a car was waiting to take us to a beautiful hotel. Some luxury, eh!! We were treated like Stars. Glass of wine and a meal then get ready for show.
It was so surreal. Green room, make up artist ,but I don’t wear the stuff. Maybe I should have just for that night. I would’ve felt more like a star. The first six for the two teams had already been picked and requested to blend in with the audience. When my name was called I had to act all surprised and delighted and maybe shed a little tear like a big eejit. Didn’t do the latter. We six descended the stairs onto the stage, were miked up ,seated, introduced to the others and spoke with Mrs Brown herself {himself]. Lovely man as was his wife, Jennifer Gibney, on the other team. My team leader was Paddy Houlihan {Dermot} Brendan spoke to me at length during the interval. Flip! Hark at me! Brendan! It was a fun filled afternoon and of course I had to let myself down a few times, which may I add, got appreciative laughs galore from the audience.
At one point in the proceedings Brendan introduced a new game. Two opposite team members had to attempt not to laugh at the jokes he was going to tell. I was picked for this and a lovely girl from the opposite side. But then I objected {and not even my show.} and stated that I wanted the handsome young man with the six pack from the opposing team instead. Who did I think I was?
When my request was relayed to Mr O’Carroll, he looked at me and said:
“Phyllis, it’s a quiz. Not the Chippendales! “But he was laughing and granted my change of person. Poor girl in the other team. So Hunk and myself stood up facing each other, Brendan in the middle doing his utmost to make us laugh. He succeeded of course in a very short time. The show continued and the craic was ninety. I only made a couple more faux pas but the audience lapped it up. Not a dry eye in the house. Noticed at last.
At the interval Brendan came over to talk to me , found out I did stand up comedy and we had a great discussion about it. Both agreeing how good it felt to be able to make people laugh. End of the show came, congratulations all round, handshakes and then we were divested of our microphones and earbuds. I was being helped off with these at the side of the stage when Dan Snow one of the guests on the show came over and told me that Brendan wanted me back on stage. A photo was being taken of everyone and to my embarrassment and delight he shouted:
“ Down here Phyllis! I want you to sit on my knee!”
Oh flip! Brilliant photo but to this day I still can’t obtain a copy of it. Love to have it.
Esther and I returned to the hotel like a couple of loonies, on a high high!
We met Paddy Houlihan{Dermot} at the airport on the way home and I have to let you know {without boasting} Well, I actually am boasting. Love it! He stated that I, myself and me had kept that show going. Wow! What an accolade. I had visions of myself joining Mrs Browns Boys cast on T.V in the near future. Didn’t happen of course. Another dream shattered. There were no actual prizes for the winners, just a laugh a minute and great craic was had by all and that was more than enough.
There were t shirts with the slogan _ For Facts Sake – on them but too small for me and I don’t think my sons would really let the grandkids wear them. It now clothes one of my fluffy toys. The connation was quite plain!! Oh and medals.
I’m going to boast again now. I’ve met Gillian Anderson from The X Files, thanks to Extras Northern Ireland. Filming was going on in Belfast for The Fall and I was called up. I told everyone to watch it so they could see me. Yeah! Humiliated or what! My part was cut! But at least I got to meet her. Real friendly person. Put me at my ease. I was so nervous. My sons requested I ask her to open the first three buttons of her blouse and take a photo for them. I declined but thinking back I should have got her to open from the bottom. Gillian { hark at me again} and I would have had the last laugh. I talked with Nigel Pavaro {Terry Duckworth from Corrie} as I walked with him round to the Europa hotel . Obtained an autograph for a friend from Patrick Duffy{ Dallas.} All courtesy of The Grand Opera House, Belfast, were I was employed for a few years. But I have to say that an audience with Brendan O’ Carroll was the best of all. Maybe I’ll still have a chance of getting on the show. I can only dream.
For Facts Sake – Episode 4 – on YouTube

CLAIM TO FAME

I saw the post on Facebook one day.

“Would you like to be on quiz show with Mrs Brown {alias Brendan O’Carroll?”

Now I love the programme Mrs Browns Boys so I was well up for it. I’m up for anything. Me! That’s why I’m here. I’m joking! I’m joking! I applied straight away and to my amazement received an email to say I would be interviewed on Skype. I had to produce an unusual item and chose a vampire framed face from Transylvania, Dracula’s castle. Now not just framed. It was actually 3D, just as if someone had made a plaster cast of their face, pointy teeth and all, covered with blood coloured wire mesh. Well, I hope it was fake blood!  Cost me all of five dollars while I was visiting the afore mentioned place of residence. A very unusual item and the producer seemed to agree. I was hired! I loved it. Pride of place in my home.

Thrilled to bits to be going to meet Brendan O’ Carroll.

     Two return flights to Scotland would be sent to me, that’s where the show was being recorded and hotel room booked for both of us. I could bring a friend. Exciting or what!

                I invited my friend Esther to accompany me and we couldn’t wait. Meeting all the cast of Mrs Brown’s Boys would be an absolute thrill. The flight over was grand and a  car was waiting to take us to a beautiful hotel. Some luxury, eh!! We were treated like Stars. Glass of wine and a meal then get ready for show.

  It was so surreal. Green room, make up artist ,but I don’t wear the stuff. Maybe I should have just for that night. I would’ve felt more like a star. The first six for the two teams had already been picked and requested to blend in with the audience. When my name was called I had to act all surprised and delighted and maybe shed a little tear like a big eejit. Didn’t do the latter. We six descended the stairs onto the stage, were miked up ,seated, introduced to the others and spoke with Mrs Brown herself {himself]. Lovely man as was his wife, Jennifer Gibney,  on the other team. My team leader was Paddy Houlihan {Dermot}   Brendan spoke to me at length during the interval. Flip! Hark at me! Brendan! It was a fun filled afternoon and of course I had to let myself down a few times, which may I add, got appreciative laughs galore from the audience.

  At one point in the proceedings Brendan introduced a new game. Two opposite team members had to attempt not to laugh at the jokes he was going to tell. I was picked for this and a lovely girl from the opposite side. But then I objected {and not even my show.} and stated that I wanted the handsome young man with the six pack from the opposing team instead. Who did I think I was?   

When my request was relayed to Mr O’Carroll, he looked at me and said:

“Phyllis, it’s a quiz. Not the Chippendales! “But he was laughing and granted my change of person. Poor girl in the other team. So Hunk and myself stood up facing each other, Brendan in the middle doing his utmost to make us laugh. He succeeded of course in a very short time. The show continued and the craic was ninety. I only made a couple more faux pas but the audience lapped it up. Not a dry eye in the house.  Noticed at last.  

  At the interval Brendan came over to talk to me , found out I did stand up comedy and we had a great discussion about it. Both agreeing how good it felt to be able to make people laugh. End of the show came, congratulations all round, handshakes and then we were divested of our microphones and earbuds. I was being helped off with these at the side of the stage when Dan Snow one of the guests on the show came over and told me that Brendan wanted me back on stage. A photo was being taken of everyone and to my embarrassment and delight he shouted:

“ Down here Phyllis! I want you to sit on my knee!”

Oh flip! Brilliant photo but to this day I still can’t obtain a copy of it. Love to have it.

  Esther and I returned to the hotel like a couple of loonies, on a high high!

We met Paddy Houlihan{Dermot} at the airport on the way home and I have to let you know {without boasting} Well, I actually am boasting. Love it! He stated that I, myself and  me had kept that show going. Wow! What an accolade. I had visions of myself joining Mrs Browns Boys cast on T.V in the near future. Didn’t happen of course. Another dream shattered. There were no actual prizes for the winners, just a laugh a minute and great craic was had by all and that was more than enough.   

  There were t shirts with the slogan _ For Facts Sake – on them but too small for me and I don’t think my sons would really let the grandkids wear them. It now clothes one of my fluffy toys. The connation was quite plain!! Oh and medals.

  I’m going to boast  again now. I’ve met Gillian Anderson from The X Files, thanks to Extras Northern Ireland. Filming was going on in Belfast for The Fall and I was called up. I told everyone to watch it so they could see me. Yeah! Humiliated or what! My part was cut! But at least I got to meet her. Real friendly person. Put me at my ease. I was so nervous. My sons requested I ask her to open the first three buttons of her blouse and take a photo for them. I declined but thinking back I should have got her to open from the bottom. Gillian { hark at me again} and I would have had the last laugh. I talked with Nigel Pavaro {Terry Duckworth from Corrie} as I walked with him round to the Europa hotel . Obtained an autograph for a friend from Patrick Duffy{ Dallas.}  All courtesy of The Grand Opera House, Belfast, were I was employed for a few years. But I have to say that an audience with Brendan O’ Carroll was the best of all. Maybe I’ll still have a chance of getting on the show. I can only dream.                  

For Facts Sake – Episode 4 – on YouTube

         FALL

|First thing I have to tell you, Folks is that my dentist is actually in Romania. Bucharest to be exact and No I’m not having retractable fangs inserted. It was the cheapest place for implants and I was going to my brother’s dentist so no fear of any mishaps. Lordy! My other two siblings, wives and kids were heading to the Black sea coast where my brother had a holiday home. They were all on holiday, except me. I was headed for the dentist so couldn’t go with them. Sun, sand and sea for them. Drills, fillings and pain for me. So having waved them off, I settled myself in my friend’s comfy flat. It wasn’t so bad. I walked a lot, not being far from Bucharest town. I got to see and know the sights when one morning I spotted the fancy hotel. The Bucharest Hilton. I discovered that you could actually use the fitness suite, sauna and pool for a small price for the day. So a few days later in I went. Now considering I couldn’t really swim at the time, I was learning at home, if I remember rightly the Hilton pool wasn’t too deep. Off I swum up and down, quite happy with my progress.

        After all that exertion, five minutes, I was feeling tired out, climbed out of the pool and proceeded to walk to my deck chair. One minute I was walking, the next I was lying flat out on the floor, feeling so clumsy and embarrassed, especially when a gentleman came over to assist me. I thanked him, insisting I was fine and sat down, lifted my book and began to read. Was I ever so wrong!

  A few minutes later, I realised something was not quite right. My right arm was shaking and refused to do my bidding. What the Hell was wrong? At that point no pain whatsoever. Adrenaline probably kicking in. I called the lifeguard over and tried to explain what it felt like. I don’t speak Romanian but the lady was good at English. I really don’t remember when the pain started. It must have been at that moment because the lady immediately called for an ambulance.

Oh! Lordy! Pain! Never felt anything like it. Well, maybe childbirth comes in there somewhere above it.  Think it was a man who decided that childbirth pain was the easiest forgotten after holding the beautiful  ne born in your arms. Forget that! Yes, my kids were beautiful and still are but the memory of pain remains. I was transported to hospital and deposited in a cubicle, already occupied, may I add , by a lady on a bed and husband, I presume. Only the lady in the bed! The husband sitting beside her. Now remembering I was still wearing my swimsuit with hotel dressing gown over it and a pair of their slippers. I was greatly taken aback when after divesting myself of the dressing gown I was then asked to remove my swimsuit. What? Were they joking? Had they forgotten  there was a man over there. I refused quite definitely until said gentleman left the room. He was not too pleased to be leaving his sick wife but I was not flaunting myself in front of a stranger. Not that I have much to flaunt! Examination over, I was trussed up like a chicken and transported back to the flat. The leisure centre lady was very good. She collected my pain killers for me from the chemist  but then requested I return the dressing gown and slippers. But after seeing my distressed face she relented.

   So there was I, all alone in the flat, feeling so sorry for myself, while the rest of my family enjoyed the sun, sand and sea of the Black Sea Coast. I could hear folks outside laughing and having fun, even smell the barbeques. I couldn’t get outside the door. Too many locks, handles and such, couldn’t turn them. I lived on crackers and juice for a few days because bending and trying to reach stuff was quite uncomfortable. Alcohol and crackers would have been better but sure you can’t have everything. No point in ringing my family, spoiling their holiday. What could they do? Just sympathise with me? I waited until they were returning and I rang. Conversation went something like this.

 “Hmmm! How are you all? Sunned, sanded and swum.”

“Yeah! Had a great time. Beautiful here. You should have come with us.”

“ You know I think you could be right. I had a little adventure of my own. I broke my shoulder.”

Well, the silence on the other end of the line was deafening. Until I heard the shocked voice of my brother Tony:

“Good God!”

Explanations given and arrival time estimated we hung up. My trials were not yet over. At Bucharest airport I was brought into a small room to be searched. Security must have thought I was faking the injury and was carrying drugs, rifles, bottles of tuica, the beautiful tasting Romanian brandy. They were set on removing my bandage. Please don’t, I silently begged. It really hurts. I eventually boarded the plane for home, the painkillers knocking me out for the whole journey.

My son picked me up from  the station and drove me to his house. I stayed with the family for a while because I couldn’t really do anything for myself. I couldn’t even fasten my bra which was no loss. As I said before, there wasn’t much to protect.

  Two really stupid things I whinged  to my son.

“I won’t be able to get arrested now.”

“Why would you want to get arrested, Mum?”

“I don’t” I answered.” It’s just I wouldn’t be able to get my arm round my back.”

“ You can always get handcuffed round the front, you know.” And he just shook his head at his crazy Mum.

“Also, I won’t be able to do Auld Lang Syne.” Not that I ever wanted to.

Aaron just shook his head again and said exasperatedly:

“ Take your painkillers, Mum,” probably hoping they would knock me out for a while.

“ I think they’re affecting your brain.”

  The doctor’s diagnosis was that my shoulder resembled a boiled sweet that someone had taken a hammer to. After weeks of physio at home and in the hospital I regained most of the movement in my arm. It will never be the same again but I can swim and dive now. How about that?