What is Sin? Mortal sin, venial sin. How do you differentiate? Mortal sin is if you kill someone, rob a bank or listen to Daniel O’ Donnell songs. Venial sin is if you fall out with your friends, cheat on an exam or listen to Daniel O’ Donnell songs. I mean, a new baby is lumbered with original sin before they draw their first breath. What’s that all about?
I don’t know what mine might be called. If a venial sin I’ll still get to Heaven with maybe a reprimand. Although why I’d want to go there I don’t know. I’d like to be drinking Harp not playing it.
Anyway, I was sixteen, working in Hughes bakery on the Springfield Road. Loved it , made lots of friends inside and out. Two of my best friends, who shall be nameless, in case they ae picked up after all these years for instigating a crime. They dared me to steal a lipstick from the chemist on the Springfield Road. Not just any lipstick, mind you. Strawberry Meringue, the lippie of the sixties. Pink, shiny, glittering, tasting wonderful. Hence the name. My boyfriend would love it!
“I can’t do that!” I protested, me being a strictly brought up Catholic girl. Thankfully not now.
“G’wan! G’wan! They encouraged. I must admit I didn’t take much persuasion. It would be an adventure, something I’d never attempted before and let me tell you, never would again. A one off! My nose up to Catholicism!
The day of the heist arrived and I have to admit I tried to get out of it, adventure or no adventure. Even though my boyfriend would love the taste and feel of the super duper strawberry, he would be horrified if he knew what I was about to do. I hadn’t yet allowed him to get to second base. Didn’t realise how good it would be. He might even drop me. Oh no! I couldn’t have that.
My two so called friends were adamant.
“I just can’t do it!” I pleaded.
Ah! G’wan! G’Wan!”
I can’t remember the name of the chemist but it was looming closer as we walked down the street. Three would -be criminals, laughing and joking. Well, I wasn’t, although my tears could have been mistaken for laughter. I was shoved in the door and just stood there like a statue. Suspicious looking or what.
Whispers behind me.
“Get in. You look stupid.”
I tried the old “couldn’t care less sway, you know, I’m just here for a nosy, then I’ll be on my way sway. But then I saw it. Glinting, sparkling, calling to me.
“Take me. I’m yours.”
Oh! I could picture it now. Screwing from the bottom, the tip glistening as it rose and rose – to the top. Hard and strong, offering joy and ecstasy , this solid organism excites! Sorry, sorry!! A bit of the old Fifty shades there. Just one shade for me. Strawberry Meringue. An organism so sweet. Sorry folks. I’m off again.
Seamus would love it. The taste I mean as we kissed and he’d be getting fed as well. A bonus!
I glanced around like a real pro, eyes darting everywhere, making sure no store detectives, or eagle eyed staff and shoppers were aware of my intentions. Did I look like a lipstick snatcher? No balaclava on me. Oh wait. That was for those other people in the sixties. I meandered as innocently as I could get over to the make up stand, picking things up, hmming and haaing, then putting the items back. I’d make a pretty good actress, I don’t think.
I could feel the draw of that sweet smelling tube. Without being obvious about it I reached out and lifted it, swivelled it open and sighed. I grabbed another lipstick, just for show, then deviously slid my prize into my trouser pocket. It really was very light, but not in my pocket. It felt like a rock ,pushing me down on one side. I’d be walking funny. People would notice. I could see my two friends out the window, waving wildly and urging me to get out of the shop.
“Don’t run!” they mouthed
“Walk normally.”
How could I with a heavy weight in my pocket and in my heart. I was a thief . My other half wouldn’t want to know me. So disappointed in me. No going back. The deed was done. I was a dirty criminal. My prize was precious but I never ever did it again. I lived like a good girl, sin free life from then on. That’s a lie. Another sin. And another one is the fact that this story is only partially true. Due to the fact that it happened a long, long time ago, the details are a little hazy. I was sixteen! Now, I did steal the lipstick, that’s true but the actual events leading up to the deed are lost in the realms of time. I did work in Hughes bakery on the Springfield Road and loved it. I did make two special friends, still nameless.
So sorry Folks, I committed the biggest sin of all. Lying to this wonderful audience. Well, no not lying as such, just a faded memory of an event which did happen. I wish I had that lipstick now but unfortunately Max Factor ceased to produce it. Sometimes I’ll see it for sale on the Internet at an exorbitant price because it’s now rare.
So that’s two sins in my life. No, three. I forgot about that original sin that’s bestowed on innocent babies. Lying to one’s spouse is not considered a sin, venial or mortal. It’s just a way of life. Everyone does it.
“Is that a new dress, coat, shoes etc.,?”
“No! Been in my wardrobe for years. You just didn’t notice me wearing it. But then you never do.”
Wife to husband.
Husband to wife.
“Where are you ? Dinner’s on the table.”
Just working a little overtime to buy you something nice,Dear.”
Yeah! Right!
Apologies Folks. Hope y’all forgive me. Now I’ll hang my head in shame and slink back to my seat.