I was sitting on the floor of the Bucharest airport just waiting for my flight (hope there’s a JVC handy to get me back up!! – no, a JCB – the other’s a record player, isn’t it??. Now the fact that it was 9.30 a.m and my flight was at 2.05 p.m needs some explaining! I’m a little early! Well, a lot early!! You know anything could go wrong!! Accidents, breakdowns, an unsolicited Daniel O’ Donnell concert, invasion of the Body Snatchers!! Anything!

Just hanging around, people watching!! Everybody scurrying about, but happy!! Either going home or going on holiday!! Colourful clothes, colourful luggage! OooH!! Just saw flight crew going by! The one at the back is fit!! Tight bum, tapered waist, nice fitting white shirt (there’s something about a white shirt on a man!!) Hmmm!! Tasty!!

Right! Stop it Phyllis! He’s young enough to be your – your -your em!! Toy Boy!! Indeedy!! Come back here!! We’ll fly to the Mile High Club together!! Aw! He mustn’t have heard me. Or else he did, turned, had a look, then scarpered!!

I got rejected at the passport control! Story of my life, really!!  They said the scanner didn’t recognize me!! Well, I don’t recognise it!! So there!! Jesus, I only got my teeth done! Not a complete facelift! But I got straight through customs!! This time!! Then again, I didn’t have any willy shaped bottles filled with booze or any containers of rubbing alcohol!! Yeah!! Rubbing alcohol!! For my sore feet!!! I kid you not!! It is very good for painful feet, just rub it on!! Though, drinking it would do the same job!! Pain all gone either way but very happy the second way!!

Very nice young man sitting opposite me on bus to Belfast!! Not being racist but he was the most handsome dark-skinned man I have ever seen!! Drooling at the mouth here!! He had every kind of electronic gadget under the sun on the table in front of him!! Two phones, tablet, computer etc.,. Do you think that was to make him look impotent!! No, meant important!! He would definitely not be the former!! Kept sneaking looks at him when he fell asleep! Gorgeous!!

The only gadgets I had were my Dracula hat, my cracked phone and my battery operated thingie in my handbag!!! Toothbrush, toothbrush!! Ye dirty hallions!!!

 

I’M HOME!!!

Well, do you like my Christmas jumper. I have my yellow polka dot bikini on under this. Well, you never know your luck when you’re out on your Christmas Do!! I’m taking me wee friend Aggie out the night. God love her, sure she deserves it. Heart of gold, she has, do anything for ye but a wee bit slow on the uptake. Know what I mean!

She bought me a Christmas present last year, said it was a cordless battery for me mixer. Funny shaped thing, I thought but would come in handy. So I puts the batteries in and the bloody thing took off, fell of the table, scittered across the floor, quivering like a scared rabbit. Jesus, I wonder where she got that. I asked her. She said a wee cookery shop in Rosemary Street called Annie Summers. Said she knew it was a cookery shop because all the models in the window had wee maid’s outfits on them. She went in and never in her life did she see so many gadgets for making cookies and scones and stuff, Don’t get her started about the jelly moulds. Says the wee assistant came over to her and showed her a thing that looked like an egg, ye put it in yer wee woman. How the hell do ye make scones like that. Sure ye’d be jiggling all over the place. I don’t know. The things they come out with now. Good soul is Aggie. Good friend. Ye could shake her sometimes but I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

She has this drunken scut of a husband, never did a day’s work in his life. Her Sammy. He thinks he can read, one book a year and the dictionary beside him for all the hard words. Ye know like the and it and if. Plonker. Anyway good hearted Aggie decided to get him a Chrissie present as well. Wanders round the town and spots this shop called BOOKS AND BONKS. In she goes, gets him two, pictures included. Aggie thinks they’re exercise books, all them people doing different positions. Might get him off the couch and into the gym. God love her. He exercised alright. Spent most of his time in the bathroom. Aggie thought first of all he was sick. All the moaning and groaning but then she heard him laugh and she was all chuffed. She’d got him the right present. Indeed she had . Sammy ended up in the City hospital with groin strain.

So I’m taking her out the night for a wee Hooley!  Couple of wee half’uns in The Glenowen then on to the old folk’s home on the Glen Road. Those men up there are a bit frisky so as I say ye never know yer luck!! I’ve a spare pair in me handbag just in case!!!!

Merry Christmas everybody!!! Have a good one!!!