NUALA: Jimmy, love did ye see my wee red lipstick? 
JUMMY: No I’m using the light pink
NUALA: Are ye sure? I saw ye with it last night.
JIMMY: Well, I did have a different outfit on, ye Know. Ye have to get your colours right. I threw the red in the box.
NUALA: God, you’re a sketch, so ye are. What are ye wearing the night.
JIMMY: Ach, Nuly! Sure ye were with me when I bought it in thon charity shop in Castle Street.
NUALA: We’d be lost without that wee place, Jimmy. Cost us a fortune somewhere else.
JIMMY: I know, Hen and us nearly on skid row. Isn’t it great we can swop outfits although I have to say yours are a bit loose on me.
NUALA: Ye cheeky sod! Take that back. Well maybe not, I could do with losing a few pounds.
JIMMY: You are gorgeous, Chuck. I wouldn’t still be with you if you weren’t.
NUALA: The shallowness of him!!
JIMMY: Joking! Joking! Anyways what do you think of my new glad rags. Think they’ll go down well.
NUALA: Pink suits ye’ Goes with your eyes. Ha! Ha!
JIMMY: OoooH! Bitchy! Getting your own back, Eh? I’ll forgive you – it’s a big night tonight. What do you think of my heels.
NUALA: Hmmm! Black sling backs with a pink gown. No, Jimmy. Haven’t I taught you anything? Get the cream satin wedges. John wore them last night.
JIMMY: With his big clodhoppers. Sure they’d fall off me. He’s always trying to outdo my bling. I’ll have a word with him.
NUALA: You won’t. He’s the leader of the pack. Can’t do anything without his say so.
JIMMY: Aye and who made him God?
NUALA: He’s the real thing, Jimmy – he knows. We’re just following him.
JIMMY: Real thing, my backside. Dresses like a multi-coloured flag and flutters about like one.
NUALA: Rainbow, Jimmy, don’t forget the rainbow!
JIMMY: Now, where’s the pan stick gone. I swear you can put nothing down here. We need a separate make up box.
NUALA: you mean you do, stop you putting your Rimmels with my Elizabeth Ardens.
JIMMY: Hey! I’ll have you know this dress is a genuine Calvin Coolidge.
NUALA: (sighing deeply) The name’s Klein, Calvin Klein and that ain’t one. Genuine Primark more like.
JIMMY: Jesus, this stuff is like cement – pile it on and it hardens before you can rub it in.
NUALA: Blend it in you moron. If I didn’t know you better, Jimmy Croft! C’mere and I’ll do it like I always do.
JIMMY: But you do, Nuala and you still love even with all my wee quirks.
NUALA: Hmm! And looking at you know some of them can be hard to ignore.
NOISES : LAUGHING< SHOUTING>
JIMMY: Here we go! The gang’s all here! Peter’s tights will be ripped as usual. I never know whether he’s going for the tart look or he just doesn’t notice or care. Joe’s lips will resemble botox, he has so much lippie on. Anybody who kisses him will need oven cleaner to remove it. Ah! And Joan, our so called sane one, dressed like a rapper, baggy trousers, bling and all. She’s seventy if she’s a day!
NUALA: Smile, Honey. They’re our weird friends., and we love ‘em.
JIMMY: We do,we do, we’re all closet something.
DOOR OPENS< BANGING LOUDLY AGAINST WALL, – chorus of Hellos, How are ye’s echo everywhere.
JIMMY: Hey, Joe, Rimmels having a sale on red lipstick! I think you’ve bought it all!
JOE:(MINCINGLY) Oh, Jimmy, you say the nicest things. Kiss, Kiss, my sweet.
JIMMY: Keep your sweets to yourself. I’ve got one of my own, that right Pet.
PETER: Get yer bleeding hands off me, ye pervert. Ye tore me tights last time.
JIMMY: Ah! Peter sure didn’t you love it!
JOAN: Right, people, concentrate, last night was good, let’s make this great!
ALL: Will do, D.J. J. De J. J. J. Joan!
JOHN’S VOICEFROM LOUDSPEAKER (effeminate): Right, Guys ten minutes until curtain up! Panto time! Break a leg!
Annie the artichoke was green and lovely
Phyllis McKenna 