Phyllis McKenna

Jesus, it’s hot in here! Do ye hear me, Big Man? He never does. I’m too low down the scale for Him. Sweat running down my face, through the blackness and the dustiness of the coal. What kind of a job is this? The only one I could get, Mate, in my circumstances. I’ve complained numerous times but all that gets you is a double shift in the furnace. No union, ye see! No one to back me up. They’re all afraid, terrified more like. There’s worse jobs here than stoking a fire, believe me. But c’mon, fair’s fair. A sip of water every two hours and that evaporates before the spoon reaches yer mouth. I can’t go on. Something’s gonna have to be done. But, Oh, the Boss is cruel. For yer own good, he keeps saying. What the Hell does that mean? I don’t rightly know how long I’ve been here but it sure seems like an eternity. I set my fork down and leaned back, for a split second. Jesus, even the walls were made of molten lava.

“God.” I screamed, Stop it . No point in that now. I dug my own grave. Too late for remorse now.  I don’t have to stay here forever, do I? Now, what did that contract say?

I thought it was worth it at the time, ye know. I just wanted peace and quiet. Stilled her mouth forever, I did. I thought!

I can just make out, through a chink in the wall, the brightness,  I can feel the peace, sense the love. Hnh!! I thought that’s what I had when I married her. Lovely, she was. Innocent and quiet. Oh so quiet. Things changed over the years. I blame her Ma, of course, even when she popped her clogs. The influence had taken root.  The Wicked Witch of the North. What’s wrong with a wee drink and a flirt. That’s all it was. Well, except for that one time, and the other time and maybe……. anyway, it didn’t mean anything. She found out. Life wasn’t worth living after that. The screeching voice, the cracks on the head from flying crockery. It’s a wonder I wasn’t killed. Couldn’t take it anymore. Had to do it. It was easy enough really, a trip on the stairs, shouldn’t have left my old shoe there. Slap me hand and apologise! Didn’t last long. Got a few months of peace then was hauled off to jail for murdering the other half. Police are good, not that good. Didn’t know my nosy neighbour heard her scream and was peeking through the hall door, saw me give her an extra shove. Just to be sure, to be sure. Twenty five to life I got. But quieter life than living with the She-Devil. She hadn’t been a bad looking bit o’ stuff, my wifie. Even as she got older. She wore well, as they say.     The Boss took a liking to her, it seems. Before I arrived, that is. Saw her after I was here for a while. Couldn’t understand at first. Why was she here? Does constant nagging cast you down here?  Seems not, as I found out a little thing about Her Indoors. She f—ing killed her Ma! To get her Money! Jesus, God, I swear I didn’t know! But Christ I do now. What kind of punishment is this? I prefer the heat of the furnaces, Please, I’m begging. Help me. Isn’t it ironic.. She would have lived to a ripe old age if I hadn’t done her in. She wouldn’t be here now but then again she’d still be making my life a misery down there on the planet.

I’d died, you see. There in prison. No hesitation where I was going. No sympathy for the life she led me. I was away to get a sunburn, permanently. And then I saw her. Arm in arm with The Boss, Lucifer, Ole Nick, whatever. She looked glorious. No punishment for her. No stoking of the Fires of Hell. Here they come now. Right towards me. Mr. Mrs Legion. Him with His Big Fork (or so she says) and her with her big bosom (stolen from an evil supermodel.) I’d stopped, you see. Stoking the flames. She noticed, whispered in her Lord’s ear and now my complete end was near. I’ll be the fuel now, keeping the heat going for the little time my puny body burns. I’ll have my silence.

 

 

As I drove higher up the Divis mountains, the dense grey fog settled around me like a cloak. I was cocooned in a cotton wool ball. Shielded from sight and sound of anything in the immediate vicinity. I didn’t feel safe. I was trapped in a world I did not recognise – a world that should have been familiar to me. A road I had traversed a hundred times had become a dangerous, unknown foreign expanse, white lines no longer a safety feature, and once familiar obstacles only darker shades of grey. I was terrified. Alone and terrified.   Inching forward at a snails pace, my concentration was intense, my eyes desperately seeking for hidden corners and STOP signs. I asked the ones above to protect me and those below, if they so wished. I promised to be good for the rest of my life if I reached home safely – well, until the end of the week. It was Tuesday now, how hard could it be. Sweetly purring engine, full tank of petrol, I would be fine!                                        And then, there issued forth from my radio, at that moment, the charismatic voice of The King, my saviour in momentous times of stress in my life. The haunting notes of “Love Me Tender” filled the interior of my little car and I was content. Without warning, my radio slowly faded out, my headlights dimmed and all power deserted my automobile. I froze. Confused and very frightened, I eventually came to my senses and attempted to restart the car. No! Again! No! It wasn’t happening. I panicked! Oh No! Please! It wasn’t happening! I really meant good for the rest of my life! Are you listening! Closeted in an alien world! Cut off from outside communication! Wait! Of course! My mobile! Frantically emptying my handbag, I retrieved my lifeline and attempted to call one of my family. No! No signal! I sat there stupefied, my useless phone in my lap and considered my options. I could walk – where – I was on top of a mountain. I could flag a passing car – how – they wouldn’t be able to see me. There was no other option. I had to walk somewhere, dangerous as it might be. My hand was on the car door handle when I heard them. Footsteps! Footsteps heading towards me – directly towards me! My stomach lurched. I felt sick, every muscle in my body tensed, then sagged. Strength left me. Check the doors, the windows! Are they locked! Yes! I huddled deep in the passenger seat, trying to make myself as inconspicuous as possible, until the first window tap caused my body to jerk uncontrollably and my pulses raced.                                                                    “Hi, Ma’am, “ a disembodied voice drifted into the car. “Are you okay? Saw your car parked, Ma’am and just wondered.”                                                                                                 It was a strange voice, and yet in some way recognizable, sounding so familiar that I almost opened the door. Fortunately reason set in, and in as firm a voice as I could muster, I replied:                                                                                                                            “Yes, I’m fine, car will start in a moment. Got a little bit flooded. My fault. I’ve rung AA” I lied with bravado.                                                                                                                              “ If you just open your hood, Ma’am, I could sure take a look. Don’t know much but I’ve been driving that ole truck around quite some time now, so I maybe could help. Don’t be frightened. I’m no danger to you.”
His voice had a melodic overture and for some strange reason I felt I could trust him. “Okay” I agreed, and released the catch of the bonnet. Footsteps sounded again as he walked to the front of the car and I glanced furtively in the rearview mirror to ascertain where his vehicle was. The fog obliterated most of it but I could vaguely discern the shape of a small truck and some of the painted logo – CRO– ELEC—–. My radio blasted into song, startling me, and I swivelled round as once again my car lights blazed and the engine started to purr. I waited for my rescuer to approach the window but I waited in vain. No sound, no footsteps, no truck in my rearview mirror, just a very,very faint singing in the distance, the final notes of “Love Me Tender,” and as I pulled slowly away, I heard that deep, southern twang in my head, the voice I knew and loved so well say: “No problem, Ma’am! My pleasure! Elvis has left the building! Thank you and goodnight!”

 

 

 

A nip in the neck is not chronic

A plaster and a little pain tonic

The vampire’s intentions platonic

What you feel now is ironic

You’re supposed to not like what they do

But the feelings of lust have burst through

You’d like to repeat what he did to you

Perhaps linger a little longer too

But now you’re feeling so weary

And perhaps a little teary

Your Lover’s long gone, My Dearie

Your life is over nearly

Now here comes the morning

Another day is dawning

Creature of the night is yawning

Straight to bed! To rest his head!

Good Morning!!