Santa stood and scratched his head
Far too early to be leaving his bed
24th October for freezin’ sake
He still had some toys to make
Two months early he had to leave
So the children would have presents on Christmas Eve
“Sod this virus,” hear Santa say
Where did it come from anyway.”
Sanitizer , masks and “Don’t touch anyone”
Christmas was supposed to be noisy and fun
Santa’s mask was doubled to accomodate his beard
The reindeers were not going to like this he feared
First up was Rudolph who gave a huge shout
As the mask was attached and his nose was put out
Next up was Prancer, hands on his hips
“You’re not going to cover up my luscious lips”
Dancer was strutting her stuff at the side
Saw Santa approaching and ran off to hide
Dasher took off before Santa could ask
If he didn’t mind wearing that dreadful mask
Vixen and Blitzen, the twins had a think
Decided they wanted their masks to be pink
Cupid didn’t complain, he was really quite shy
He just bowed his sweet head and began to cry
“F–k!” said Santa, “this is going to take ages
And I haven’t even glanced at the Christmas list pages.”
“It won’t be the same,” Santa sighed
The gifts for the children the parents would hide
Until Christmas Day dawned bright and clear
Then the wee ones would know that Santa was here
No Covid19 would keep him away
All presents delivered for Christmas Day
Santa realised that because it was October
He’d arrive back home stone cold sober
No whiskey, no gin, no vodka or beer
Would be left out for him at this time of year
No shortbread and carrots left out for his boys
Despite all their moaning they’d deliver the toys
“Ah well,” says he, “we’ll stop at the next store
And load up our sleigh with goodies galore
With booze and biscuits and carrots and sweets
We’ll have an early Christmas and enjoy all the treats
So Covid be gone, you’re not ruining our fun
I’ll be pissed as a f–t when this day is done.
Phyllis McKenna 
