Phyllis McKenna

I was heading to the dentist last night feeling like a native Romanian! No problem! I know this place!! 5.40 bus and I am there!! Yip!! Bus took a different way!! S–t!! Where’s he going?? He’s not allowed to do that without telling me!! Heart racing, pulse through the roof!! I’m a stranger here! He can’t just take off willy nilly like that!! People depend on him!! Me!!! What happened to the smug native?? She’s stressed!! Hey, wait a minute, I recognize that!! “Calm your horses” as my granddaughter once said. I know where I am! Back to native mode! Bus back and we’re there! Tch!! Have faith, Phyllis! Just took a photo of an inflatable Sponge Bob for Molly. Did you realise he lives in the water, never puts on weight!! Doesn’t soak up any excess fluid!New diet??? Got onto my cruise boat and the Captain started laughing at me! Actually my Dracula hat!! Here, I have to tell you this! Went into lovely linen shop, all handmade clothes, beautiful linen!! Gorgeous!! That’s not the point! I lifted a size to try on and the shop assistant laughed!! Why am I funny to everyone today?? Too big!! Too big!! She said. Well, was I ever chuffed!! Got two other sizes and the smallest one fit!!! How good am I?? Going to try the casino!! Hmmm!! Well, maybe not!! Doors are locked and a lot of bank card icons stuck on it!!! Also a push button coded door opener. Hmm!! But it does say Budget Rooms!! Probably for people who’ve lost all their money and have nowhere to stay! Room in the basement for 5 lei!! Arms and legs broken for free!!

 

                          

 

 

 

I bought breakfast at the airport in Bucharest. I know it can be expensive but I’m here at 9.15 and my flight isn’t until 2.05!! Had omelette, beautiful, bread, lovely and warm and what looks like a piece of chocolate sponge swimming in something!! Not sure whether you are supposed to eat it or clean your fingers in it!! Bit messy if it’s cake!! You know I’m sure you all think I am making these stories up! Believe me, things happen to me all the time!! Asked the lady in the cafe if there was a phone charger. She pointed to a plug socket practically on the floor! Underneath a table!! I fr—ing banged my head umpteen times trying to plug it in!!! Then I just noticed a whole bank of phone chargers of every known denomination!! How the hell am I going to unplug my phone without looking like a complete prat, down on the floor with my bum stuck in the air!!! I really want to take a photo of this sponge thing!! I’ll wait till the coast is clear! I’m going to be racist here! Sorry! It looks like a brown, chocolate Sponge Bob!!

 

 

 

 

 

I was sitting on the floor of the Bucharest airport just waiting for my flight (hope there’s a JVC handy to get me back up!! – no, a JCB – the other’s a record player, isn’t it??. Now the fact that it was 9.30 a.m and my flight was at 2.05 p.m needs some explaining! I’m a little early! Well, a lot early!! You know anything could go wrong!! Accidents, breakdowns, an unsolicited Daniel O’ Donnell concert, invasion of the Body Snatchers!! Anything!

Just hanging around, people watching!! Everybody scurrying about, but happy!! Either going home or going on holiday!! Colourful clothes, colourful luggage! OooH!! Just saw flight crew going by! The one at the back is fit!! Tight bum, tapered waist, nice fitting white shirt (there’s something about a white shirt on a man!!) Hmmm!! Tasty!!

Right! Stop it Phyllis! He’s young enough to be your – your -your em!! Toy Boy!! Indeedy!! Come back here!! We’ll fly to the Mile High Club together!! Aw! He mustn’t have heard me. Or else he did, turned, had a look, then scarpered!!

I got rejected at the passport control! Story of my life, really!!  They said the scanner didn’t recognize me!! Well, I don’t recognise it!! So there!! Jesus, I only got my teeth done! Not a complete facelift! But I got straight through customs!! This time!! Then again, I didn’t have any willy shaped bottles filled with booze or any containers of rubbing alcohol!! Yeah!! Rubbing alcohol!! For my sore feet!!! I kid you not!! It is very good for painful feet, just rub it on!! Though, drinking it would do the same job!! Pain all gone either way but very happy the second way!!

Very nice young man sitting opposite me on bus to Belfast!! Not being racist but he was the most handsome dark-skinned man I have ever seen!! Drooling at the mouth here!! He had every kind of electronic gadget under the sun on the table in front of him!! Two phones, tablet, computer etc.,. Do you think that was to make him look impotent!! No, meant important!! He would definitely not be the former!! Kept sneaking looks at him when he fell asleep! Gorgeous!!

The only gadgets I had were my Dracula hat, my cracked phone and my battery operated thingie in my handbag!!! Toothbrush, toothbrush!! Ye dirty hallions!!!

 

I’M HOME!!!